The Incredible Petrified World

The Incredible Petrified World is a 1958 science fiction film in which our brave heroes don't venture to outer space but to lands under the ocean. It stars John Carradine and Phyllis Coates (Lois Lane). This is so bad it's not even fun.

It begins with a voice against a view of crashing waves:

This is The Sea. As old as the world itself. It extends over 3/4 of the surface of the globe. The Sea. The birthplace of life. The great storehouse of minerals. The prison of haunting mysteries.

[Enter large, quickly swimming sea creatures: octopus battles shark.]

The ocean is a dangerous jungle. Each creature preys relentlessly upon another. Each animal is equipped with an effective weapon: speed, camouflage, knife-like teeth, poison.

[Shark wins.]

Since Time began, the ocean has withheld its secrets. Man has ventures merely to its threshold. Oceanographers have, with precise instruments, presented us with a framework of facts.

[fish swim past the camera]

Around these facts our imaginations construct the eerie, forbidding atmosphere of the deep. Scientists, working with sonic equipment, discovered a mysterious layer which returned an answer to sound waves. This layer measured over 300 miles and lay 1500 feet below the surface. It was soon noted that the phantom layer rose to the surface at night and descended to the deep water in the daytime. It is composed of living creatures capable of locomotion that are apparently strongly repelled by sunlight. Some oceanographers believe the layer to be made up of plankton. Others suggest that is a gigantic concentration of fish. The most startling theory about the phantom layer is that it is composed of millions of squid. This theory is supported by the fact that squid are tremendously abundant. As the sun's rays become weak and soon turn into complete darkness, the fish are all black, brown or silver. In the blackness of the deep sea, the strange phenomenon of luminescence is found. Half the fish that inhabit the darkened waters are able to turn their luminous torches on or off at will. Lower forms of life are known to have this luminous ability as well. Some fish have rows of lights. Perhaps these are signals -signs of recognition. The deep sea squid ejects a fluid which becomes luminous. A counterpart to the ink ejected by his cousin who lives in shallow water. The eyes of many creatures who live in the black world are enlarged and protruding, making the most of the intermittent lights which may reach them. On the other hand, some animals have no eyes at all. They have developed and perfected antennae and feelers. Their entire world is known to them through their sense of touch.

Several years ago a fish was caught alive off the southeast tip of Africa. It was an amazing sight. This animal was supposed to have been dead for at least 60 million years. After this discovery they found the frill shark. He lived 25-30 million years ago. Perhaps there are other such anachronisms to be found in this region, about which we know so little -other links with the past. Perhaps we can find the answers to these questions.

We are now prepared to invade this black wilderness.

Yawn.

via youtube:



1000 Misspent Hours gives it 1 pitiful star and says, "I could never write a review that would adequately convey how drab and uninteresting The Incredible Petrified World is, because I, unlike Jerry Warren, recognize what a bad idea it is to bore the living shit out of my audience."